Heber Jentzsch is awe-inspiring. He is an inspiration. A
superlative example that all other mortals should strive to
emulate. Every time he opens his mouth, a hundred people are
innoculated against joining the so-called "church" of
Scientology®. He is like some majestic force of nature--- an
avalanche of stupidity seen careening down a
mountainside in slow motion. Like a blind, drunken, nescient,
lobotomized ox high on Cannabis sativa that somehow or
other got the idea in its feeble little head to
"defend" Scientology by being its worse example.
Clue-deficient, piteous, lacking in intellect, unwittingly
funny (uproariously so!), Heber Jentzsch has been instrumental
in keeping innocent, unwary people from falling prey to
Scientology. The world owes Heber a huge debt of gratitude!
Thank you Heber, for acting exactly like the crazed,
brainwashed baboon every anti-cult expert talks about when
speaking about Scientology: you're their poster-boy! Way to go,
Heber! PLEASE KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! Please, please,
please. We wouldn't want to see you replaced.
A guard leads Heber Jenzsch, leader of the Church of
Scientology, into court Wednsday in Madrid. He was arrested
with 69 others as part of an investigation into alleged fraud.
Heber Jenzsch thinks he is Richard Nixon. Nice handcuffs, Heber.
Just how did Heber get to be the "president" of
Scientology, you asked? Well, that has a funny and yet sad
answer. You see, every successful crook needs someone that the
law enforcement agencies can haul away to prison other than the
successful crook himself / herself. That is, Hubbard needed a
"patsy." A "patsy" is defined as "A
person easily taken advantage of, cheated, blamed, or
ridiculed." In other words, a puppet; a dummy; a dupe; a
pawn; a pigeon; a stooge; a sucker; a front man. Hubbard cast
his eyes about, saw Heber standing around, and said to him
"Pzzsst! Hey, kid! Wanna be Scientology's President?"
and thus was history (and Scientology's worse Public Relations
One could almost feel sorry for poor ole Heber Jentzsch (I do).
L.R. Hubbard used Heber horribly, and Heber did not and does
not have the wit and basic intelligence God granted a cabbage
to understand he was and is being badly used. So now Heber is
facing thirty years in a Spanish prison, and just what does he
have to show for it? "Auditing" (i.e., brainwashing)
and "church 'services'" (i.e., more brainwashing).
Hey Heber: was it worth it?!
Heber Jentzsch. The L.A.-based worldwide director of the
Church[sic] of Scientology was among the 69 arrested in
Madrid. © Los Angeles Times.
Of course poor ole Heber is out on bail (thanks to nearly one
million dollars in forfeitable bond paid for via so-called
"donations" by so-called "parishioners"),
and back home in the land of the free--- and agressively
innoculating people left and right against joining Scientology
every time he opens his mouth. The instant he steps foot in
Spain again, he'll be staying there courtesy of Madrid's prison
system. If found guilty, he'll die of old age in prison.
Again, Heber: will it have been worth it?
- Decree of the Commencement of Oral
Trial. [F]ounded on the felonies of illicit association,
threats, coercion, usurpation of functions, false accusation,
simulation of a felony, illegal arrest, crimes against the Tax
Administration, crimes against freedom and safety in the
workplace, intrusion, crimes against the public health,
injuries, damages, abuse, slander and inducement to suicide.
- The Multimedia Heber! KFI Radio
Los Angeles. This page has links for RealAudio®
downloadable and streaming clips of the radio interview with
Dennis Erlich and Heber Jentzsch. It's very, very funny.
- The Fatherland Heber! Heber calls
Beckstein a "political desperado"; Scientology
remains under surveillance by the German Intelligence Agency of
- The Jailed Heber! Judge orders
Scientology leader jailed. (Damn, that's gotta hurt.) If
convicted, he could face more than 30 years in prison. He's 65
years old in 2000: that means he'll be out of prison at age 95.
- The Hollywood Heber! Heber on the
Donahue Show. What follows are paraphrases: the author could
not take shorthand, and was not willing to review the tape to
the extent to get quotes perfect and complete. The text tends to
- The Motherland Heber! Heber does
the United Kingdon. Heber Jentzsch: "What I'm going to do
is, um... I'll go up here and er... see what er...."
- The Indicted Heber! "[I]n
the treatment of drug addicts, Scientology had applied methods
which are detrimental to health and which have no scientific
basis." -- The El Pais
Heber on TV Show Public Eye. [This link is to an off-site web page.]
"Public Eye with Bryant Gumbel."
- A Few Opinions on Heber's
effectiveness on the Gumbel show, from a public message board
- Trial Set 25 2000 THE TRIBUNAL
POSTPONES THE BEGINNING OF THE TRIAL AGAINST $CIENTOLOGY UP TO
SEPTEMBER 25, Madrid, 2 Jun (EFE).
- Larry King Live December 20, 1993 Inside the Church of Scientology. Guest: "Reverend" Heber Jentzsch, "Church" of Scientology
- The leaders of the 'Church' of
the Scientology will be judged in Madrid for 12 crimes
- More news from Spain Criminal trial
- heber010.htm Heber Jentzsch on www.somethingawful.com