I Am An Unrepentant Fundy Basher

From: Marty Leipzig
To: Don Martin

DM> thing when he saw it--the Spanish American was the
DM> only war for which we have had more volunteers than
DM> places to put them. Nothing like picking on the small
DM> and weak to draw interest.

HP> Ain't that why we're here shooting the fundy fish
HP> in the barrel? :-)

DM> As I have shamefacedly admitted in the past, it's
DM> nothing to be proud of, but I just can't help myself.

DM> My name is Don, and I am a basher of fundies. I used
DM> to think I could quit any time, that I only needed
DM> to pick off one or two to be satisfied for a week.
DM> But once I started, the appetite grew. First a little
DM> Stringfellow. Then a Savelli. Then so many intellectually
DM> pathetic dipshits that I couldn't even remember their
DM> names. I TRIED to cut down. I stopped reading posts
DM> by those too fookin' stupid to even be able to comprehend
DM> my insults, but then I found their straightlines as
DM> quoted by others irresistible and harpooned them THAT
DM> way. I can't bring myself to quit HolySmoke cold turkey
DM> without the help of some Higher Power, and being an
DM> atheist, I have real problems with this Higher Power
DM> crap . . . .

Amen, brother!

They say confession is good for the soul. Being an atheist and therefore bereft of a soul, one immediately sees the inherent quandary. But, what the hell, I'll feel better.

My name is Marty, and I too, like our illustrious author of the missive immediately above, am an unrepentant fundy basher. Just as some people feel compelled to rubberneck terrible traffic accidents, purchase police scanners to vicariously hear of other's misfortunes or stomp some clod's foot protruding into the aisle in a particularly crowded airline flight; I am possessed by the unrelenting desire, nay, compulsion, to help certain people who are consumed by the passion to make idiots of themselves, either personally or in international electronic fora.

When some "person" proudly proclaims that "man evolved from apes"; I see this as nothing more than a plaintive cry for self-immolation. When they claim that there's "boats in dem dere hills"; again, the pitiful cry of a person desperate to be martyred, but without the genetic or intellectual horsepower to carry it out themselves. When they spew plaintive Bible verses to document everything from their own particularly skewed, and oftimes hallucinatory, view of morality to make an attempt at justification of atrocities, injustices and just plain antisociality; they are merely whining, in their own bizarre and stridulatory manner, for someone to come along and humiliate them with a blizzard of fact, logic and reason.

And yet some would go so far to condemn my actions.

I see it as preforming a service to these benighted individuals; a sort of an electronic version of Dr. Kevorkian.

If these people didn't wish to suffer the sling and arrows of outrageous castigation, why then would the parade around these echos cleverly camouflaged in the verbal equivalent of international orange accouterments decorated with a large concentric bulls-eyes?

Just another service provided free with your subscription to "HolySmoke: Building better roadkill along the Information Superhighway."



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