[This is the first draft of the overt/withholds written for October 28 and October 30, 1995.]
OWs Lisa McPherson 10-28-95
[handwritten in margin, probably by Katie Chamberlain:]When?
1. I dramatized my case and did not take responsibility for my hat as mag sales manager.
[handwritten by Lisa, above paragraph:] around May 95
2. One time in my office up near reception. I sat at my desk and I knew I needed to do something with my juniors. I got up and went in to Cathy's office and asked her what she was targetting[sic] for or what her line up was, something that had to do with her products. She sort of sighed heavily and looked whipped, a bad indicator in itself. I noted it but went on and just acted like it was nothing. I did not want to know what her scene was but I did know she was having trouble on the post. I did nothing really to help her. I just kept acting like everything was fine and went on back to my office. I sat there looking at the bad indicator then I looked at my case and went fuck it, I don't care. Cathy never got stably on a post anywhere in the org and I contributed to that. her personal finances suffered as a result of me not wearing my hat. She was eventually let go. She felt bad at not having ever produced. AMC suffered financial losses in having spent money and time with what it takes to get a new person to get up and running so that money was all lost. The potential production which could have easily been at least 5K per week was lost for probably 8 weeks. There was probably some minor repute loss with an untrained person on the lines due to lack of training and hatting. Our group was more unstable.
1. I withheld that I had blown my conditions and was not in control.
[handwritten in margin, probably by Katie Chamberlain:] When?
[handwritten above paragraph , by Lisa:] around Mar 1st
2. The day that Ben walked past my office while I was in the pack area. I had not decided what condition I was in and had decided not to. Ben walked past my office and I felt her miss a w/hold. I just noted it and looked no further as to what it might be. I knew full and certain it was no accident as I am quite aware of missed withhold and its phenomena. I did nothing to get to the bottom of it and just pretended like everything was fine. I was dying inside. I had stuck attention on it until this day. I declined at a very rapid rate following this point.
[handwritten, in margin, probably by Katie Chamberlain:] When? What was O/W? [arrow downward] [possibly in Lisa's handwriting:] this is a cog! [unintelligible]
I just cognited there was one point in my incident where I blew out and felt "myself". It was during a confusion formula in the MAAs office. The reason that produced a result is because it was the correct condition! Where I fell flat on my face again is when I looked at applying Treason, this is where I had dumped my hat and would not confront it. I recall the next day when I went in to Ben's office to get her to "help" me with treason I caved back in and instantly went into more super missed w/hold phenomenon. The reason for this is clear to me now, I had no intention of confronting treason and I had gone to her so that she could once again, take responsibility for my condition.
I left on Saturday after this cog as I was so blown out. Today on post I found myself once again "out of control" wandering around not really focused on anything in particular. I sort of woke up at 4:30 adn[sic] realized I had not accomplished anything, my attention has been dispersed and I have not been my tone 40 self so there is the
[Label: "FSO 00558"]
 Page 2
feeling of being out of control.
Just to finish up the earlier OW, so I was doing nothing to get to the bottom of my condition but rather wandered aimlessly sort of drifting about in space just flowing with the motion of whatever happened my way. What I was doing was not paying attention, not being alert to what was happening, not putting my sights on the target, the goal, what it is I am trying to accomplish. I had no direction with my intention. My intention is still cause so the intention was to just have whatever is going to happen happen and I had no real cause in it, no responsibility really. I failed to control myself or my actions to the end result of getting a product. I blamed it on god. I got caught up in some case distraction.
1. I did not control myself and abandoned my post.
2. It was during a time when I was out in the galaxy on a post. I had a hat and it was to be "the watch". I got a notion and decided to leave. I considered that I probably should not go and did a quick doubt formula but actually ended up making the wrong decision. It was a wrong decision because it was not the greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics. I forfeited my post for a first dynamic desire - to leave and "do what I wanted to do". I was entrusted to stay and I left. The planet I was watching ended up being blown up as a result of my neglect. I'm sure my friends were on that planet. I ignored it and did nothing to see if anyone survived. I ended up alone and not a part of any group for a long time.
[Handwritten, possibly by Katie Chamberlain:] These are good. Please check out my questions and resubmit. [In Lisa's handwriting:] OK
[Handwritten, possibly by Katie Chamberlain:] Check for more O/W's at AMC or previous jobs along this line. I'd like to see some time put in on these O/W's. You should be spending as much time as possible to EP [end product] this cycle.
[In Lisa's handwriting:]OK
I will write 7:30 - 9:00 A.M. every day during week. Should be able to finish this week.
[Label: "FSO 00559"]
[Overt/Withhold 11/28/95-11/30/95, finished draft]
[This is apparently a part of the finished overt/withhold for October 28- 30, 1995. I have reached this conclusion based on the expanded discussion of Cathy by Lisa.] 
of control and told the D of P that I couldn't deal with it. I dramatized my case by looking worse than I had before, by chewing on what I had going instead of finding ways to extrovert from it, by granting beingness to it, by denying myself any responsibility and holding my case completely responsible. By not really doing anything to get myself out of it but instead just being a victim. Mr. Herring came in and had another SO member stay with me the rest of the day. I continued to be a victim and wait for something to happen to change me. An S.O. member was taken off post for most of the day - the D of P. Another S.O. member was removed from post for a month to attend to me 24 hours per day. I took up space at the base for a month. I was completely off post at my job for a month. I abandoned my post and left it for someone else to handle. My senior was put on my post and unable to do his post of D/ED. The expansion plans for AMC collapsed. Cathy Hemphill was not given the opportunity to be properly esto'd on post and ended up leaving. Larry Spencer was put back on magazines as a cope action and he never was stable on the post. Pieces shook all throughout the org. The pack area was unstable and needed time and attention of which hardly any could be given due to the shakey[sic] pieces. Brian Jordan ended up leaving post. The entire GI crashed (this had actually been going on since I blew my post in March). The partners lost money. Flaps occurred in our field due to shakey[sic] pieces which cost us.
1. I dramatized my case and I did not take responsibility for my hat as mag sales manager.
2. After I had moved to the mag area and I was in the office near reception. I took zero responsibility for doing nay actions which needed to be done in the area. I was being a case and thinking about my case every minute. I was watching it and trying to "figure it out." I wondered if anyone else could see it. I sat at my desk and wondered aimlessly at my call rotation and did not attempt to push through my own bank. I knew that Ray and Cathy were not doing well on post and I did nothing to help them really. I went through the motions of a senior but without any responsibility for getting a product. I asked Cathy how many contacts she had made and she would tell me them then I walked away without having contributed anything to her improving. I did not fight to get my TRs in or push through my case. I just sat in it. I went into Ray's office and asked how he was doing. He sheepishly told me about how his day was going, no products to speak of and I walked away knowing I had not done anything effective. I did not report this to anyone I just drifted. This type of action went on for about a month. No real production occured[sic]. A hole was being camouflaged by me. Production was lost that will never be able to be regained. Ray and Cathy's scene become worse to the tune of their car having to be repossessed among other things. I suspect that they had to move into less expensive housing. The magazine was not ever stabalized[sic] and had to be put back into a cope action. Thousands of dollars (I suspect close to 50K or even more) were spent by the owners to keep the activity from completely collapsing and destroying our reputation as a company. Probably close to 150K or better production was lost by me not wearing my hat or training others to do their post correctly. Our forward progress was impeded as a company. Every single staff member was distracted from their own productivity because I was a
[Label: "FSO 00556"]
stable piece and was shaking big time, it destabalized[sic] the entire group.
[Label: "FSO 00557"]
In article <[email protected]>,
"Webmaster" Deana Holmes wrote:
>[Overt/Withhold 11/28/95-11/30/95, finished draft]
Shouldn't this state 10/28/95 - 10/30/95?
Also, the title of this post has a wrong date as well.
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