Anonymous asked this question on 4/2/2000:
What is going on in my boyfriend's head? On one side, he is very sweet and expressive and tells me he loves me constantly. Then, is explosive, controlling, verbally abusive. For example, spend two days with him and everythings great, then, when he comes to my house to show me answers to my questions on my computer, takes over without letting me show him what I've been doing possibly wrong, so he can explain it the correct way. Suddenly says, "shut the f*** up! Gets angry before I know what's going on, grabs my glasses on my face, bends them and pulls them off my face. He hits me twice, on the chest, but not hard enough to hurt me. He has gotten mad and explodes all the time but always calms down. I tell him he needs medication, and counseling but he rejects that notion. His mother was very controlling he says and his father very gentle. I believe that. There is no excuse the way he behaves. When this happens, I won't see him for a while and he always gets me to come back to him by telling me he over reacted and loves me. I want to tell him I don't won't him to call me again until he has gotten counseling for a year and knows he was abusive and has learned to conrol his temper. Other that this terrible side of him he is a great person. He is 59 years old. I tell him he will grow old alone because he won't change. Is there a good book out there to read that gives a person insight into abusive behavior? I need to move on because I deserve better. I need to know if therapy changes people like this permanently if they choose and what is the success rate?
mhood gave this response on 4/12/2000:
This is a very scary story that you are telling. I am so sorry for your pain and confusion. You must be exhausted. I am going to tell you what I have seen from experience. This sounds like a mental disease known as bipolar or manic depression. People with this problem can get help if they choose too. There are good medications out there, but this is a long road you are heading down. Many times people with mental illness do not want to get help, or if they do , they don't want to continue on with the treatment. They will go get help if they think you are going to leave. When you assure them you are staying they will stop the medicine and the counseling. My husband has obsessive/compulsive disorder. I love him with all of my heart, but this is the hardest thing i have every dealt with. I would advise you to leave this man before he hurts you badly. In time the pain will ease. You will find love again. You deserve to be treated better. I will be praying for you...
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