Anonymous asked this question on 4/6/2000:
When does critisim become emotional, verbal, and/or mental abuse? I'm a grown woman with a mother who I can't stand. I'ma trim 5'6" 115. I gained 15 last year and was berated constantly about how I was getting fat. I'm still a size 4 she's been a 16 or more my whole life. I'm lazy and unmotivated although I work 60 hours a week at a profesional job. I'm a failure and disappointment even though I'm a high earner and have a graduate degree. She's never had a job in her life, had to go to summer school to finish high school and has literally slept her life away. I've never been good enough, it's suprising I have any self esteem at all. My other sister has moved across country to get away from her and rarely calls. I live in the same town and run into her often, but not on purpose. She bad mouths me to my relatives who have the impression I'm a bum. Is this abuse?
lali2002 gave this response on 4/11/2000:
Hi, I see you have received many answers and i don't see how mine would be any different' but here goes. My mom, has never been proud of anything i do,Im 16 by the way. I go to a Magnet school i have a 3.5 Gpa, im involved in many community like things like S.A.D.D. students against drunk driving, or now known as students against destructive decisions , also in a heritage panel, which we go to different schools and talk to people about prejudice, racial, and descrimination in today's youth. , and im also an HIv Aids Educator Certified by my county.. point is,..no matter what i do my mother is never proud of anything, and yes it makes me mad, then i think so maybe if i failed everything she'd care but then i realize no matter what i do she will never be happy. So i do everything for myself. I see you have accomplished a lot , be very proud of yourself!!! I know its tough having a mother to whom you don't get along, i can't stand my mother but i try to see why she's the way that she is. I know she has had a really hard childhood and takes it out on me ever since i've been born and my parent's separated, according to her its still my fault that they got a divorce, but whatever i try to do things for myself rather then for her. It is definetly an emotional abuse on their behalf but i don't think anything can be done , maybe counseling will work for you, as for me if i even mention a counselor i get yelled at for "calling her crazy" she swears counselors are for crazy people. about being fat, hun im sure you look great, My mother has told me all my life im fat, and honestly its been so much i really don't care anymore. Don't let her put u down, and avoid her if you want to. Or try to understand why she's like that, and maybe even talk to her about it. Hope i was of some help, if anything at all don't hesitate to ask for further help. Thanks' Lali
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