Anonymous asked this question on 4/7/2000:
Hi all, I have a problem and I would love some input from the experts here, before I totally lose my mind. Here's my situation; To be as brief as possible, I have a sister who is 10 years younger than me. Our mother was killed in a horrific car accident when I was 13 and my sister was only 3 years old. My sister is a very beautiful girl, just finishing her last year in college, very loving and giving, active in her church and community. Don't get me wrong, she is not a perfect angel, but she is a very good person, a person who always sees the good in everyone and would never harm anything or anyone. For the past year she has been dating a guy that seemed to be alright. Our father and our 4 brothers (all older than her), and I, thought he seemed like the average guy and didn't have a problem with him. One day she was mad at him and opened up to me and told me that he had been abusing her. The things she told me that he has done to her are some pretty serious things. Some made my stomach turn. Aside from the horrible physical abuse, he has her convinced that she is ugly and a total tramp and no one else will ever have her. He knows that I know what he has been up to, so he tries to keep her from spending any time with me. I was honestly sick after hearing about these terrible things that he has done to her. Believe me when I say the things he has done to her are sick and disgusting,(ranging from head-butting her trying to knock her unconcious to stomping on her face and stomach), and that's not even the worst of it. I was so angry at him and begged her to leave him alone. At the time she was mad at him and agreed to. She asked me to promise not to tell anyone. I knew that would be a promise I could never keep. Things like this HAVE to be talked about or someone could wind up getting killed. A couple of days later she was back with him and everything was lovey dovey again between them. She no longer wanted to talk about the abuse and even said that she wished she had never told me. She said that he is a great guy and she is going to marry him and he will get some help for his "little problem", and everything will be wonderful. I told my father and brothers. Their initial reaction was to go and phisically harm the guy. Then they decided that saying or doing anything would only push her closer to him. When I try to bring up the subject to her about leaving him, she clams up and gets mad and won't talk to me for days. I am convinced I need to keep the lines of communication open with her, so I have had to try and not say anything to her, but it is killing me to be quiet about this! I am angry that my father and brothers have not at least let the guy know that they know what he has been doing and voice their opinion on the matter. As time goes by, her boyfriend, when he is being good, helps her in many ways, does nice things for her and shows his better side around my family. I think my father and brothers think that I have exaggerated about how bad this guy is. I think they have the "he could be better, but he could be worse" attitude. This is really upsetting to me. I don't know how much longer I can just stand by and watch these things happen to her. When I try to say or do something about it, it just puts distance between us, and I don't want that because I love her with all my heart, she is my best friend. Something has got to be done about this situation before he kills her. I feel like climbing to the top of a mountain and screaming for help until someone hears me! My family is convinced that saying anything to her or her boyfriend will only push her that much closer to him. I don't know what to do. Can anyone help me?
mjohnson423 gave this response on 4/9/2000:
DEAR ANONYMOUS, I FEEL LIKE BY READING YOUR PLEA FOR HELP I HAVE FELL BACK INTO A TIME MACHINE. THESE VERY THINGS YOU ARE SAYING WERE MY LIFE IN DEC.OF 89. EXCEPT I WAS YOUR SISTER. I HAD A FRIEND WHO WAS JUST LIKE YOU ALWAYS THERE WHEN I NEEDED HER AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH RANDY TRIED TO KEEP ME AWAY FROM HER SHE WAS MORE PERSISTANT ON STAYING BY MY SIDE . OF COURSE I WANTED OUT....... I JUST THOUGHT I WASN'T WORTHY. HE MADE ME FEEL LIKE I WAS FAT, UGLY, DUMB ETC..... NOTHING ANYONE SAID TO ME GOT THROUGH. THAT IS UNTIL ONE NIGHT HE ALMOST KILLED ME. HE PICKED ME UP FROM MY JOB AFTER WORK BECAUSE I DID NOT HAVE A CAR. THAT WAS ONE OF HIS CONTROL THINGS, THEN HE BEAT ME FROM THE MALL TO THE BEACH WITCH WAS 10 MILES AWAY. AS I SAID IN OTHER ANSWERS TO PEOPLE HE HAD POWER LOCKS AND WINDOWS AND I COULD NOT EVEN JUMP OUT OF THE CAR. I ENDED UP WITH 2 BLACK EYES AND STICHES IN MY HEAD AND A COUPLE OF BROKEN RIBS. HE PULLED OVER TO A DESSERTED AREA ON THE BEACH AND BEAT ME MORE AS HE DRAGGED ME OUT OF THE CAR. THEN HE PULLED A LOADED GUN OUT ON ME AND WAS GOING TO KILL ME. THESE THINGS HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE NOT JUST ON T.V. HE WAS ALSO FROM A VERY WEALTHY FAMILY. SO HE WASN'T FROM THE PROJECTS.SOME HOW I GOT THE GUN FROM HIM AND THREW IT AS HARD AS I COULD IN THE BUSHES. THE COPS LATTER FOUND THE GUN AND IT WAS USED AS EVIDENCE. BACK TO MY STORY....... AND I HAVE LEFT A LOT OUT TO GET TO MY POINT QUICKER.....I TALKED RANDY INTO TAKEING ME BACK TO THE REAL WORLD WITH PEOPLE AND WE WENT TO A LOCAL BAR. HE WAS ALREADY HIGH ON COCAINE AND POT (I FOUND OUT LATER).I GOT MYSELF ALL CLEANED UP AS BEST AS I COULD AND WE WENT TO THIS BAR CALLED CHANS BAYSIDE; I GOT RANDY SO DRUNK HE COULD NOT STAND UP. THEN I DROVE US HOME AND TOOK MY CLOTHES OFF TO GET READY FOR BED. NO! WE DID NOT HAVE SEX , THANK GOD ! IT WOULD HAVE MADE THE NIGHTMARE EVEN WORSE AND I ALREADY THOUGHT I WAS IN SOME KIND OF BAD MOTION PICTURE. AFTER I LAYED IN BED FOR A FEW MINUTES HE PASSED OUT COLD, I THEN GATHERD ALL MY BELONGINGS AND STOLD HIS CAR. I DROVE TO A FRIENDS HOUSE TO COLLECT MY THOUGHTS AND THEN DROVE TO MY BEST FRIEND VICKYS HOUSE WHO TALKED ME INTO TURNING HIM IN. SHE SAID IF I DIDN'T SHE COULD NO LONGER SIT BACK AND WATCH ME GET HURT.SHE ALSO SAID DO IT OR SHE WAS OUT OF MY LIFE FOR GOOD.AT THAT MOMENT I KNEW SHE MEANT IT. SHE WAS MY SUPPORT. I COULD NOT LOSE HER. I KNEW SHE MEANT BUSSINESS.I AGGREED AND SHE FOLLOWED ME TO THE POLICE STATION IN HER CAR. THE POLICE FILED CHARGES, KIDDNAPPING , ATTEMPT TO KILL, AND ALL CHARGES WERE PREMEDITATED. DURING THE DAY HE BRAGGED TO SEVERAL PEOPLE WHAT HE WAS GOING TO DO TO ME WHEN HE PICKED ME UP FROM WORK. WHEN WE GOT TO THE STATION ONE OF THE POLICEMEN TOLD ME TO TAKE RANDYS CAR BACK BEFORE HE TRIED TO REPORT IT STOLEN,SO I DID. VICKY FOLLOWED ME IN HER CAR AND I LEFT HIS IN HIS DRIVE WAY AND THREW THE KEY IN THE YARD. AS WE PULLED AWAY FROM HIS HOUSE THE POLICE CIRCLED HIS HOUSE AND WE WATCHED AS THEY KICKED DOWN DOORS AND HOW HE TRIED TO RUN. GOOD THING I DID NOT LEAVE THE KEY IN HIS CAR.I KNOW YOU ARE PROABLY WONDERING WERE I'M GOING WITH THIS STORY, WELL YOU ARE YOUR SISTERS VICKY. IF I WOULD HAVE READ A STORY LIKE THIS MAYBE I WOULD HAVE NEVER GOTTEN HURT.EITHER WAY I WAS VERY LUCKY I HAD AND STILL HAVE VICKY.ONE PERSON CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.THAT PERSON CAN BE YOU! I'M VERY LUCKY TO BE ALIVE! I THINK GOD WANTED ME TO LIVE TO HELP OTHERS LIKE MYSELF. I WAS 21YRS OLD AT THE TIME.11YRS FLYS BY FAST AND I CAN STILL REMEMBER EVERY DETAIL AND THE DATES AND TIMES. I HOPE YOUR SISTER NEVER HAS TO GO THERE . IT IS BAD ENOUGH SHE HAS BEEN ABUSED. I KNOW ALL THE SIGHNS...... IT STARTS WITH A PUSH , THEN A SHOVE , THEN A SLAP, THEN A PUNCH ! IT IS ALWAYS FOLLOWED BY BABY I'M SORRY ! I LOVE YOU ! PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.TELL HER SHE KNOWS IT WILL . IT ALWAYS DOES. IF SHE IS UNSAFE WITH YOU ,GET HER TO A SHELTER. TELL AS MANY AS PEOPLE WHO WILL LISTEN . SHE WILL NEED TIMES, DATES,AND PROOF. SOMETIMES DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS HARD TO PROVE BECAUSE WE THE VICTIMS KEEP GOING BACK. IF YOU NEVER HAVE BEEN ABUSED YOU CAN'T TOTALY UNDERSTAND WHY WE GO BACK, BUT I CAN SEE YOU WANT TO UNDERSTAND. SEE IF SHE WILL CONTACT ME. I'M AN OUTSIDER WHO HAS BEEN THERE. I WANT TO HELP HER!!!!! AND I WANT TO HELP YOU HELP HER. IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO MY FRIEND VICKY I WILL GIVE HER A CALL. SINCE YOU GUYS WERE IN THE SAME SHOES. BEST OF LUCK, LOVE,MJOHNSON423
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