capntom asked this question on 4/3/2000:
Evening Xperts,I was just wondering, it appears to me that there seems to be a large segment of the people who ask us questions are women with abusive boyfriends or husbands. My question is why do women insist in staying in abusive enviroments. My job during the day is working in a Salvation Army Shelter as the director of security with A daily flow of 1100 clients, it boggles my mind when i watch these women get tormented by their mates, Yet they stay and take it
tcsmpsi gave this response on 4/4/2000:
There are a myriad of reasons why one stays. Dedication to family, fear of the unknown, refusal to 'fail', loving the abuser, etc. When the abuse reaches the point that the abused does indeed think seriously of leaving, it then comes to the fear of the unknown. 'How will I make it'? With a single mother with children, it is very difficult to 'make it'. It also becomes the 'ordinary'. One can live with a great deal of abuse. In some cases, it is also fear of leaving, for many are threatened with their own injury or the injury of their children. We work with families for months sometimes, getting them set up with clothes, a place to live, a job, legal parameters, building confidence through counseling and living within a non abusive environment. And still, sometimes even after we get them on their own and settled, they go back. Loneliness sets in. Most of the time, there is always the promise of the abuser to 'do better'. The needs of the children as seen by their mother which include the need to have a father. When there are no children involved, then the accepted reasons are different and very few. Please, contact me if you need more.
The average rating for this answer is 5.
capntom rated this answer a 5.